Life In Prison

The Little Things

Prison life is very structured, but the simplicity makes it easier to appreciate the little things. When an inmate looks up and smiles, or when an officer says, “How are you doing today Ms. Louder.” it is meaningful,

and I notice it more than I did in the free world. This morning when I stood in line for breakfast two young girls were in line in front of me, and when it came time to get their trays one of the girls said, “Let’s let this nice lady go in front of us, she’s very pretty and I really like her hair:)” It was sweet, and made me feel more human to have someone be kind to me, that little kindness changed my whole morning.  I appreciate nature more now than I ever have.  I get up at 5:00 AM each morning and go to the rec yard to be alone to pray.  I love to hear the birds and feel a lot of peace there.  it reminds me that everything is perfect and that the earth works in perfect balance, and my life is part of that perfection.

Our Family Together on Mothers Day 2016

Our Family Together on Mothers Day 2016

I feel a lot of peace right now, thank you for your prayers. Peace in prison is a most valuable blessing! The weather has been perfect, and I have really enjoyed being outside. Recently, I asked one of my roommates what she misses most about her life in the free world, other than her family of course. She said, “Well, I miss my bed, and I miss my car, I really liked my car.” Then she said, ” I guess the thing I miss most about my life in the free world is the privacy I had, I miss using the bathroom by myself .” I agreed that privacy is a very valuable thing. Then she asked me what I miss most, and I couldn’t think of one thing that I miss. I thought about it for a few minutes and still couldn’t come up with one material thing that I miss. I told her the thing I miss most about my former life is caring for my family, getting up early and getting the house in order, running the kids to school, and cooking meals, I loved caring for my family. We are so blessed to have families!

Everything was filed in my legal case a month ago, and we are waiting for the judges answer. I expect the answer any day and will blog and let you all know as soon as I hear anything. It has been a difficult process to relive some of the experiences that I went through.  It has made me feel vulnerable and afraid, but I am working through those feelings.  It has been humbling to turn to my Father in Heaven in prayer and closely examine my feelings and desires. I am learning that I have a great deal of pride and I’m working to be humble. I read a really good article in the Ensign recently called “Accepting the Lords Will and Timing”.  The author said, “Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives, even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted.” In the article a man had cancer and was desperately seeking to be healed. The author asked him the question, “I know you have enough faith to be healed, but do you have enough faith to not be healed?”  When I read those words they had a strong impact on me. In my case I feel very strongly that my guilty plea was not voluntary and believe that I should be released and allowed to either enter into a plea voluntarily, or If I can’t come to agreeable terms with the government then I should be allowed to go to trial.  After I read the article I spent a lot of time thinking about my situation, and have come know that regardless of the judges decision I will be okay. I know that what I do, how I conduct myself and the way I treat others while I’m away can bless my family just as surely as if I were in their presence. I know that our Father in Heaven has a perfect plan for me and my family, that it’s a perfect plan designed for our good. I’m grateful for the peace I feel right now, I’m grateful for the love I feel from others, and I’m grateful for this experience. Thank you for following along:)

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